Glenna will be providing us with her column, "From Victim To Victor" every Thursday. We will accompany Glenna on her journey everyday situations, transforming those fearful and angry times to ones of deep understanding, forgiveness and joy.

Welcome aboard, Glenna!

"Hi, Mom. I need a real friend to talk to. If you would please call me asap. Love me." Her e-mail honored me, while eluding to tragedy. I studied the words, my heart beating in my throat, wondering if the omitted coma after "Love" was an error. My thoughts immediately turned to hope:

Had she awakened to the nightmare she had been forcing herself to endure? Automatically, I closed my eyes and asked for the right words. Words that would comfort, yes; and words that would help heal. Having no idea what was going to be communicated, I placed my long-distance call. A whimper answered, a hopeful question, "Hello?"

This kid. My only child. Nearly 21 years old, yet having experienced the trials of a lifetime. Most of those trials had roots in natural disasters, for which I had always been grateful! We never had the space in our lives for the normal dysfunctional period that inevitably occurs for mothers and teen daughters. We remained so appreciative of each other, so in love. If ever there was a purpose for earthquakes, hurricanes and fires, this was it:

Joining!

I didn’t know what I was going to say. I just trusted, knowing that I was not alone.

"Hi, Darlin’. How are you doing?"

I envisioned my arms securely surrounding her rounded shoulders and down-cast eyes...those shoulders that supported a world.

"Is the baby okay?" I continued, not waiting for an answer to my first question.

She and Ti-Rose, our 24-month old sweetheart, were fine. As her cracking voice continued, I saw that my hopes were realized! She had awakened to the nightmarish relationship to which she had subjected herself for the past three years. I communicated my perspective to her at one time, about a year ago. Then, heeding my father-in-law’s expert advice, I remained silent after that. Instead, I prayed, envisioning my sweet daughter and grandbaby surrounded in the purest love and happiest days. But today, my troubled son-in-law had drawn the final card, and Brooke took a stand. She was ready to separate. I knew her concerns before she spoke them; afterall, I had divorced Brooke’s father when she was a baby, and raised her alone.

I surrendered my voice to Spirit, and allowed the speaking to enlighten.

"Brooke. When a child is involved, there is no such thing as divorce.

There is no separation. There is only love and extension of that love. Every relationship you have from this point forward will be an extension of your family, not an exclusion of it. That is the blessing of having a child. It doesn’t matter where your bodies are. Allow his body to be there, yours to be here, and discover what true joining is. Find the place where you can both live in peace to raise your child. This separation is no separation at all; it is a blessing."

The truth of Spirit’s words took us both by surprise, and brought us to tears. I looked back at my own life. I had been divorced from Brooke’s father, Bill, for some 20 years. I love him. He can do and say anything or be anyone he wishes to be, and I’ll love him still. He can love as many other women as he wishes, and I’ll love him. Hell, I rarely even see him, and I love him! I love his parents and have adopted them as mine. Unlike their son, I see them each week. I will forever be committed to the well-being of this, my family. My marriage vows are completely intact. In fact, we have transcended marriage vows! This love will not fade with the passing of our bodies. Why? We were given something greater than our relationship. We were given Brooke.

I am filled with awe and gratitude for this life, and the direction that is so available to us each day. In the Name of Jesus Christ. I say, Amen.

--- © Glenna Heller