My Song — by Lisa Vaden

My Song — by Lisa Vaden

Say What You Need to Say

For me it is very important to learn how to communicate with others. To connect with each other…I mean that is what we all want right?

We communicate verbally and nonverbally all of the time. But in my opinion much of the time our communications are not very authentic. At least that is what I recognize within my own life.

And here is what I am learning about communication… there is talking and there is listening. Or is that listening and then talking? Ha, ha, ha! I am learning the ropes!

And here is what else I am learning… you can communicate as authentically as you are able in a moment, and another can communicate as authentically as they are able in a moment, and the two sides aren’t necessarily going to be on the same page.

And that is ok.

It sucks some times. It is frustrating and confusing some times. And it hurts some times.

But it is ok… if you really want to learn how to communicate with others.

Here’s the thing about communicating…it is not about getting everyone on the same side.

And it is not about feeling bad or making others feels bad because what you think and feel doesn’t match up with what they think or feel.

It’s about saying what you need to say…and allowing others to say what they need to say.

And the best way to hear and say, and say and hear, is after you have gotten honest with yourself.

Perhaps start with talking about it with a friend or writing about it in a journal or having an imaginary “conversation” with this person when you are all by yourself speaking out loud to an empty chair in front of you.

Anything that allows you to work out the kinks (the fear, the anger, the sadness, etc.) beforehand so you can get to the heart of the matter and be able to speak and listen with/to others authentically.

Your authentic voice doesn’t want to harm anyone, or convince anyone, or better up anyone or bully anyone.

Your authentic voice just wants to say what you need to say. And if you are really coming from an authentic place, you will want to allow others to say what they need to say, too.

You cannot control people. You cannot make them be, think, act or feel in a way that you think they need to in order to make you feel better.

YOU make you feel better.

End of story.

And one thing that will make you feel better is when you say what you need to say. (AFTER you have done whatever you need to do to get to that authentic place within you.)

I’ve got a great song on my MySpace page that conveys this message beautifully. It is called Say What You Need to Say by John Mayer.

I hope you check it out.

www.myspace.com/lisavaden

Should the opportunity present itself, I hope that you say what you need to say.

And then you listen.

Or listen and then say.

And then you let go.

Until next time,

Check out Lisa: www.lisavaden.com

E-mail Lisa: lisa@lisavaden.com