Soul Magic

Simple Events or Magical Moments?
by Rosvita Wolk-Feilinger

The car broke down; it did not start and had to be hauled to the mechanic.

The teenage grandson did not come home overnight, which scared me since he was living with me for the Senior school year, and we had not been able to help him in his personal struggles.

Legal issues for the single daughter's baby looked grim.

Promises were not kept. Need I go on?

This did not all happen in a day, but on some days it seemed as if nothing would go right ever again. Just when I thought we were getting on an even keel, another event rattled my cage and composure…

Returning home there was a puppy running around my living room, with my daughter anxiously explaining that the dog had sharp claws which could hurt her son, Noah, a 9 month old bundle of joy. We love animals, but at this moment a new puppy was not what we could handle. Never mind that my grandson never asked my permission to introduce a new family member to our home!

I literally saw the whole process of training and caring for another life flashing through my mind. My heart went out to this creature, but the reality check prevailed and I called my son for help. He got the puppy and my grandson decided to move back in with Dad.

My first thoughts were not good ones… I put myself down for not having been able to effect more help for my grandson, even when I knew exactly what was wrong with him -- depression, pot, depression, bad grades, depression, no motivation.

My second thoughts were more reasonable… I care for my grandson, I love him as unconditionally as I am capable of, the process and progression of the unfavorable events would get him to accept help -- eventually.

Well, he agreed to see a doctor; it's a step in the forward direction. It seemed a good thing. But my demons returned. What did I do wrong? What did I not do? I should have stepped in sooner…

Silly Grama! You know you did what you could. The minute the spiral points downward, it's like a ride on the luge. If you've seen one, even on TV, it's scary!

Yes, it hurts a great deal when family members are in trouble. OK, so, feel your feelings and what else do you need to do for yourself?

Keep my spiritual being strong. Talk to people, share, pray. A couple of friends assured me of their own prayers and inclusion in prayer circles.

I awoke feeling sad and overwhelmed. Obviously, nothing was going well. Was my own depression rearing its ugly head? Had I not done all I could? Were all my former efforts in vain?

On the way home I saw a familiar shape approaching. Clad in layers of warm clothing, he squeezed his tall body into the passenger seat and listened, then offered to pray aloud with me. Astounded, I accepted the gift, relaxing by the second.

Nothing else changed, but I felt stronger, and able to accept my grieving feelings.

The next morning I awoke feeling sad again, questioning my plan for the day, wanting to stay in bed and put the covers over my head. Instead, I got up, attended to some mundane house chores, took a shower, made a shopping list, and headed out to Wal-mart, which is open in the early hours of the morning. I stopped for flowers and cranberry nut bread for breakfast, and wondered at the timely, yet unusual find of some old stories about the woman I was about to visit.

When enough time had passed for me to dare knock on her door, she said: "Come on in, I am in my pajamas, but it's alright."

Soon, I was crying like a baby; deep, wrenching pain arising from my womb, and I wailed and was held by my friend. The wave of hurt feelings floated away with my tears, leaving my body, until I felt the freedom as if I were swimming in the river.

My soul was healing, even though nothing else changed.

Reading my e-mail the following morning I found a forwarded message from my friend. As I clicked on the site, there was the story of a former client, way former, from the early eighties. Her voice sounded like the soothing music of a piano concerto to me, as she explained in simple terms how she approaches her art of wood churning. The pleasure of seeing her magnificent wooden bowls warmed my heart.

Just like the churning of the raw wood created a beautiful piece of art, so did my 'broken heart' heal at the thought of what possibilities arise for people when loving care enters and continues in their lives. With patience comes acceptance, and with acceptance of what is, we can trust the magical love of the universe to appear in our midst in the form of events and people.

The car is running again, my heart is beating, and Noah took a few steps for the first time.

We are still praying for my older grandson...

— © Rosvita Wolk-Feilinger

For more of Rosvita's stories visit: http://www.sfpnn.com/Rosvita.htm

For Soul Magic stories visit: http://www.sfpnn.com/soul_magic.htm