"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly. "One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."

Why worry about the difference between wants and needs? Simply because needs imply no choice; there is freedom in choosing among wants. Here's an example. If I make $2500 a month and my needs cost $2300, there isn't much room for fun, but if my needs cost $1500, every month I have the price of a plane ticket to play with. Simply put, needs are no fun, wants can be lots and lots of fun. So, what do you need?

We need oxygen, water, shelter, food. Some might add clothing. Without these things we can't survive for long, so they are truly needs. Without those things, some theorize that we are reduced to our animal nature, incapable of altruism even to the point of neglect of our own offspring.

Once that layer has been achieved, we need connections with other humans. Without this infant humans die, adults wither. Part of this is the acknowledgment of our community.

I bet those words just rolled right by you, didn't they? The acknowledgment of our community. One wise man calls it "looking good" and says we're willing to lie, cheat, steal, even kill to look good. I say that many of our "needs" are viscerally connected to this real need. Smoking used to look good, and that's why a lot of folks started. Today success looks good, and that keeps many of us running on a treadmill that's got no off switch.

It doesn't have to be that way. Shine a light on our need to be respected by our community, and then we get some freedom. One can look good by being kind, being funny, being patient, being a good parent, chess player, gardener, carpenter. You can look good by being a good friend. All of these are "being" and none require "having" anything. It all rests on your words.

You can be anything at all, but unless you define your personal "looking good" you'll probably spend your whole life vaguely dissatisfied and wondering why.

It's easy to never make a conscious decision about what drives us. Easy, but without that decision it's hard to make it into the non-suffering section.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are a complex mass of chemical and electrical interactions jammed in with a complex mess of ideas. Ain't life grand? The cool thing is, you can easily make your commitment part of looking good, and when you do you get a basic need met along with the serotonin surge.

What does "looking good" mean to you? What drives you, and can you see how it is connected with "looking good"? When you use the word need, ask yourself why you need whatever it is. If it costs health or lots of time or money, make the questions rigorous. No matter how silly you think this conversation sounds, the words you tell yourself about your actions will spell the difference between freedom and slavery.

If you smoke or overeat, you use your solution to control emotions you don't want to feel. Being in control is part of looking good, if you say so. You can make a new choice, and call those emotions juicy. Try it for 30 days, if you don't like it I'll refund your misery.

--- (c) Jeneene L. Brengelman

If you're interested in the Quit Kit which includes a tape, book, and toys at the rock-bottom PNN price of $15 plus $3 shipping, e-mail me for ordering information.

"Participate! This is it!"

--- Bobbi Criss, fellow PNNer