Today I'm going to attempt to shine a light on a few of the superstitions that rule us.

Many of us have some old tapes from our childhood playing in the background. They are not heard consciously, but the subconscious, which controls our feelings, hears and believes them. Some of them, thinly disguised, are still part of popular culture. That's why I call them the Rock N Roll Rules, or…

Rules For Maintaining A False Sense of Control:

1. You must be loved or admired by everyone, all the time, for everything you do.

2. You must be perfectly attractive, competent, and achieving to consider yourself worthwhile.

3. Some people are bad, wicked, evil, and therefore should be blamed, punished, and never forgiven.

4. It is a terrible catastrophe when things are not as you want them to be, and someone better fix it now!

5. Unhappiness is caused by outside circumstances, and you have no control over it.

6. It is easier to avoid, or put off, difficulties and responsibilities than to face them.

7. You should be quite upset over other peoples' problems, disturbances, and inadequacies.

8. There is always a perfect solution to every problem, and until you find it you'd better do nothing.

9. Past experiences determine present behavior; the influence of the past cannot be eradicated.

And most irrationally of all…

10. There is a "right time" to quit smoking, when you will be "ready" and then it will be easy, and this will happen in time, before any damage is done.

When you shine a light on them, they show up as crazy, but how many of them do you live by? These rules could be called "Rules for Maintaining a False Sense of Control." They allow us to explain everything and never live inside a question. That's about as close to dead as it's possible to get and still keep on breathing.

Perfectionism endears us to nobody. The people who love us want to know us, and the façade of perfectionism is a thick and opaque one. I believe that the cost to relationships is the highest one we pay for perfectionism, but there are other costs too.

When we feel we have to know everything before we act, we take baby steps. We don't try anything new. Our world gets smaller and smaller because as we find more things we can't control we just eliminate them. We give up the joy of discovery, mystery, fun.

I know this intimately. I still remember going to work with my friend Stan Seiller about 25 years ago. He was a camera man on As The World Turns. Some of the stars (cute ones!) asked me to play darts with them during a break. I said no. I wanted to spend time with them, but I didn't know how to play darts, and wasn't willing to laugh at myself.

It was a perfect lesson. I saw my insanity but it has still taken me years to adopt the motto: Every day, do something foolish, something creative, and something generous. The foolish part is still challenging, but friends, I am here to testify it gets easier and as it does, life just keeps getting better.

Rilke said: Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves.

Next week, I'll send you the rules to replace them with, the Gentle Rules for Loving Life.

If you're interested in the Quit Kit which includes a tape, book, and toys at the rock-bottom PNN price of $15 plus $3 shipping, e-mail me for ordering information.

"True Simplicity liberates depressed spirits from the bondage and burden of extravagance and excess."