ValueSpeak
A Weekly Column
By Joseph Walker
TO LOSE OR NOT TO LOSE
I’m not exactly sure how it
happened, but somehow last Thursday I found myself talking trash to my family
about how their mother and I were going to kick their collective backsides in
the First Annual Walker Family Biggest Losers Couples Contest.
I mean, seriously. Who knows more about being a big loser than I
do?
Then it was explained to me
that this would be a contest to see which of the five married – or
soon-to-be-married – couples in our family could lose the most combined weight
between now and Nov. 1.
Weight loss?
OK, I can do that. As long as I don’t have to . . . you know . .
. diet. Or exercise.
Anita, my wife and Big Loser
partner, explained that I wouldn’t have to change my lifestyle much. All I really needed to do was cut out seconds
at dinner. And thirds. And snacks after
It isn’t that I’m opposed to
exercise, exactly. I come from a long
line of exercisers. Some of my best
friends exercise regularly. It’s just
that after decades spent primarily sitting in front of a word processor (with
“sitting” being the operative word here), my legs and lungs aren’t used to
being asked to do much beyond bending and breathing. Occasionally.
But my competitive spirit was
aroused when our children suggested that it might be too much for their parents
to participate in this contest – or, as Joe Jr. wrote in one “tender” e-mail:
“Please remember that at your respective ages a sudden and dramatic change in
lifestyle can often have a deleterious effect on your health.” Such concern is touching – and
infuriating. How could we NOT accept the
challenge, and the opportunity to prove to our children once and for all what
incredible losers their parents are?
So the contest started Monday,
which meant that we had from Thursday until Monday to plot our strategy for how
we would win. And that’s just what Anita
did: she figured out her exercise regimen and she thought through menus. On Saturday she went shopping for food that
would help us with our diet. I think she
even figured out what new clothes she would buy as part of her soon-to-be
skinny wardrobe.
For my part, I ate like crazy
from Thursday until Monday. The way I
saw it, the more pounds I put on BEFORE the contest, the more I could take off
DURING the contest, and the better our chances of being the biggest losers. So
I had a great weekend of laying around and eating
chips and dips and mac and cheese and pizza and
soda. I went out for the biggest,
greasiest hamburger I could find just before we weighed in on Monday. And then I finished up the night with one
last round of chips and bean dip. At
that point, I figured, what can it hurt?
The next day Anita got up ready
and anxious and excited for the challenge.
I barely got up. I was groggy and
bloated and feeling out of sorts. Somehow I don’t think an excessive eating-fest
was the best way to prepare for 90 days of disciplined living. Last Thursday I was full of competitive fire;
today, I’m full of heartburn. More than
anything else, I think my attitude is all wrong. I’m not focused on the good things this
friendly competition is going to do for me.
All I can think about is that polish sausage at the convenience store
around the corner and how much better it would taste than the apple on my desk.
Turns out
that, as with almost everything else in life, dieting is all about attitude. You get the attitude right, and the rest will
follow. But if you bring the wrong
attitude to the table, so to speak, you’re a loser before you even start.
And probably NOT the Biggest Loser.
# # #
— © Joseph Walker
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