Today I had to go back to the grocery store for something I really wanted, but couldn’t find yesterday. I didn’t have any better luck today, but I did find a manager and asked him to check why the store wasn’t getting the individual lunch salads that I always buy. My former lunch of something fried from the gas station has been replaced with a more healthy meal, a ready to eat <some minor assembly required, <grin>> salad.

I felt rather deprived when I found the store out of them two days in a row. I rely on my lunch salads and was having trouble coming up with any sort of backup lunch plan. My usual nature is to be easy going, so I gently explained to the manager that the availability of the lunch salads was one of the main reasons I shop at his store twice a week. I felt no need to yell or scream at the poor man. Of course I was a little unhappy about the situation, but losing your temper doesn’t make it any better.

I finally decided to purchase a couple of sandwich rolls and take sandwiches to work for a couple of days. As I arrived at the checkout stand a small sign caught my eye, it read "New Cashier, Please be kind". That brought a smile to my face and I patiently waited for the cashier to finish bagging the previous customer’s order. When she came back to the register, and greeted me, I smiled and told her "Don’t worry, I’m not too mean". Instead of the relieved look I had expected on her face, there was a look of total puzzlement and she asked me what I had meant by that. Puzzled in return, I pointed to the "New Cashier" sign. She smiled and took the sign down and told me that the sign wasn’t hers, since she wasn’t a new cashier.

Free now from any obligation to help a new cashier figure anything out, I relaxed. As she scanned my order, she commented on what kind of day she had experienced up until now. What she said was: "I was wondering why all the customers were so mean and nasty to me all day, but now I know it was because that sign was there". I was floored by her remark and told her that I thought the sign would have made people act nicer. She told me that it seems it should be that way, but in real life it doesn’t happen.

Now I won’t try to convince anyone that I am one of the nicest people on this earth, because I am not. By virtue of being human I have a temper. What I have done is teach myself to be kinder and more patient with other people.

It’s not always easy keeping my temper under control, but my favorite tool for doing so is a mixture of empathy and logic. First I imagine myself on the other side of the situation, and then I use logic to frame my response to the other person.

For example: One of my customers berates me for not having something she expected, instead of being angry towards her because she is yelling at me, I think about how I would feel if I didn’t get something I really needed, so I will understand why she is upset. <Of course I wouldn’t yell about it, but that’s another story <grin>. Then I use logic to determine what to say back to her. Usually I will make a comment about how much I don’t like it when I don’t get something I am expecting <letting her know that I understand why she is upset.> Then I reassure her that I will be looking for her item. Finally, I wish her luck, often just by remarking that I sure hope she gets what she wants tomorrow.

By listening, commiserating, reassuring, being respectful, and offering hope you can often avoid an argument, even if the other person is angry and being nasty and mean. It took me a while to learn this, but now I don’t burn quite as many holes into my stomach. Which is pretty good for me, but it may be causing some panic at the board meetings of companies that produce ulcer medications.

--- © Renee

EXCELLENT COLUMN, TODAY, RENEE!!!!!! I’ve worked many customer service positions in my life and your technique is THE BEST APPROACH I’ve ever used... regardless of whether it’s part of your job or just part of your every day encounters. When this technique is applied with the sincere desire to help the other person, it has incredible results. Thanks so much for sharing it with all of our readers! Hope you get those salads soon.

:)